Finding Sunlight

"We don't have a map or directions for relationships, love, religion, or God. We get lost. We stumble... and we pray that we will find the sunlight."

A Coming-of-Age Memoir about Love within the Wreckage of Purity Culture

The church has a lot of views on women's relationships. Respect the sanctity of marriage. Save yourself for your husband. Never, ever think about a wife.

Homeschooled at church and raised by a devout father, Chrissy internalized scripture's strictest messages, suppressed her bisexuality, and followed all the teachings of purity culture. When she turned sixteen, her parent’s divorce flipped the script.

Devastated and unsure of her values, Chrissy jumped from one relationship to another, searching for solace from a depression that crept more to the forefront every day.

More a triumphant love memoir than a religious trauma book, Chrissy Holm thoughtfully unpacks her sexuality, faith, and mental health with a relatable vulnerability.

Readers who grew up in evangelical or fundamentalist religious communities will find themselves in these stories as Chrissy seeks meaning in her religious upbringing--finding forgiveness for her dad, her past relationships, and ultimately, herself.

Raw and hopeful, this liberating memoir is an intimate look at how Chrissy found the courage to question what she was taught to believe, uncover her own truth, and navigate love with pride.

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Excerpts

“Love doesn't always have to be romantic. It can be with someone you lean on and can trust. With Benny, I learned that listening and crying together can go a long way in a friendship.”
“Instead of feeling alone, I wanted to lean on my friends. I started to disbelieve that God was there for me.”
“Like a flower, I wilted on the inside.”
"I think people make life more complicated than it should be and don't always think about the consequences."
"That night, I felt like the last piece of blue sky was covered with a cloud. I drooped and wasn't a sunflower basking in the sun any longer. I desperately wanted to find the sunlight again."
"I wish I would've asked more questions and been there more often. I wanted to save her, but deep down, I felt there was nothing else I could do."
"I felt suffocated in religion, and I didn't want to be dragged back down. In my heart, I struggled because it was what I knew and believed. How can you challenge something you've been taught since you were eight years old?"
"I wanted my children to learn that people made mistakes, and to work out their feelings, not suppress them. I wanted to teach the value of forgiveness, not holding a grudge, and remembering that family will always be family."
"We don't have a map or directions for relationships, love, religion, and God. We get lost. We stumble. We pray that we will find that blue and yellow county road sign. We pray that we will find the sunlight."

FREE DOWNLOADs

Dig deeper into Finding Sunlight with these downloadable extras. A Lectio Divina guide (a practice of sacred, reflective reading) and a sunflower coloring page inspired by the memoir.

Black and white coloring page of three sunflower flowers with large petals and leaves, labeled 'Sunflower' at the top.

Infographic titled "Lectio Divina," illustrating a four-step practice for divine reading, featuring a sunflower graphic and four steps with questions about narrative, allegorical images, personal experiences, and actions.

Reviews

“Finding Sunlight was a meaningful memoir from a talented writer. Chrissy is brave for writing about the experiences they faced growing up with the church and a father that wasn't traditional. Meaning they didn't have a relationship like I had with mine or most of my friends did. Theirs was different. I think that's why I enjoy reading memoirs so much."

Kelly P.
“Told through the lens of growing up in the church, various tumultuous relationships and her parents' marriage, we get a glimpse into how it truly feels to wrestle with one’s own queer identity. That feeling of authenticity within ourselves is one we can all relate to, and you’ll be rooting for her until the very last page.”

Stacey Chomiak, Author
“Finding Sunlight is a reflection on the impacts of growing up within Christian fundamentalism and the shaping of adolescence onward. Religious harm is real and silences too many with shame and guilt about their sexuality and being their authentic selves. A must-read for anyone who questions what the church taught them and to know they are not alone.”

Stacey Schultz
“This one spoke directly to me. Growing up in a similar atmosphere as Chrissy really felt like this was partially my memoir as well. I can see this being a very popular book in my library.”

Robin F, Librarian
“This was just excellent!! I, too, grew up in a very religious household and have a lot of trauma from that as an adult and have had trouble forming attachments and overcoming my childhood. So this story hit home in so many ways! (And at some points was just a little hard for me to read because of my own religious trauma but that's okay!)"

Tina Rae

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Buy a Signed Copy

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Finding Sunlight

"We don't have a map or directions for relationships, love, religion, or God. We get lost. We stumble... and we pray that we will find the sunlight."

A Coming-of-Age Memoir about Love within the Wreckage of Purity Culture

“Love doesn't always have to be romantic. It can be with someone you lean on and can trust. With Benny, I learned that listening and crying together can go a long way in a friendship.”

“Instead of feeling alone, I wanted to lean on my friends. I started to disbelieve that God was there for me.”

“Like a flower, I wilted on the inside.”

"I think people make life more complicated than it should be and don't always think about the consequences."

"That night, I felt like the last piece of blue sky was covered with a cloud. I drooped and wasn't a sunflower basking in the sun any longer. I desperately wanted to find the sunlight again."

"I wish I would've asked more questions and been there more often. I wanted to save her, but deep down, I felt there was nothing else I could do."

"I felt suffocated in religion, and I didn't want to be dragged back down. In my heart, I struggled because it was what I knew and believed. How can you challenge something you've been taught since you were eight years old?"

"I wanted my children to learn that people made mistakes, and to work out their feelings, not suppress them. I wanted to teach the value of forgiveness, not holding a grudge, and remembering that family will always be family."

"We don't have a map or directions for relationships, love, religion, and God. We get lost. We stumble. We pray that we will find that blue and yellow county road sign. We pray that we will find the sunlight."

FREE DOWNLOADs

“This one spoke directly to me. Growing up in a similar atmosphere as Chrissy really felt like this was partially my memoir as well. I can see this being a very popular book in my library.”

Find or Leave a Review

Awards & PRess

IPPY Awards Bronze Medal

Stories that Empower

Now I See

Big Blend Radio

Tagg Magazine

LGBTQ Reads

Queer Forty

Citywide Blackout

What is That Book About

Radical Soul

Best Self Magazine

LGBTQ Nation

Order Finding Sunlight

Or Find It At These Major Retailers